What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
