I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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