"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
