how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
