What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
