Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
