Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
