She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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