don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
