I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
