so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
