so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
