just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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