so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
