Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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