smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
