i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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