I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
