guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
