THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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