I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
