i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
