I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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