i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
