just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
