He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
