I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
