ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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