she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
