Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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