You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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