3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
