Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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