The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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