I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
