so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
