shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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