I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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