Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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