i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
