why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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