I think I won the penis lottery.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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