I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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