she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
