This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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