my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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