Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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