so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize