I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
