omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
