yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
