I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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