Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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