If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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