i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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