I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
