I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
