put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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