if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
