I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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