You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're like the curious george of whores
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
