apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
