dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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