I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
