Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
