Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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