I heard we made out
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
