dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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