don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
