I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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