Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
