Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
