Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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