Your dad touched me again.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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